cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
