Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
