Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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