My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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