why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
