I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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