Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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