first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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