And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
