Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
