woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
