you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
