how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
