Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
