im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
