I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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