I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
you never un-have a 4some
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
