How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
