i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
