If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
