he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
