his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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