did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
