do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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