someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I have aggressive nipples.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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