Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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