What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How does it feel to date your dad?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
