You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
