I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
