Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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