We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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