I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
