had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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