It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
