Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We're too hungover to prance.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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