It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
