I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
