There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
