you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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