i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
