My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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