Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
