Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
