Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
