I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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