I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
