Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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