Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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