Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You pole danced in your parka.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
