tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
